The Smart Hunter

Once upon a time, there were two hunters who went for a 
safari trip in South Africa. 

As they were resting under a banyan tree after a long hunting day, 
they saw a lion approaching them with its wild roar. 

One of the 
hunters started putting on his running shoes. 

“Hey, you cannot outrun the lion, said the other hunter. 

“I’m not trying to outrun the lion,” the first hunter replied. 

“All I need to do is outrun you!”

Hypocrites

One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000
member congregation was
surprised
to see two men enter, both covered from
head
to toe in black and carrying
submachine guns. 

One of the men proclaimed,

"Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ
remain
where you are."


Immediately, the choir fled...  

the deacons fled...

and most of the congregation fled.... 


Out of the 2,000 there only

remained around 20.


The man who had spoken took off his hood... 

He then looked at the preacher and
said "Okay
Pastor, I got rid of all the 

hypocrites...  Now you may begin your service. 
Have a nice
day!"

And the two men turned and walked out.

The Fairy

 "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each
 other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

 "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the
 wife.

 The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra -- two tickets for a new
 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

 Now it was the husband's turn.

 He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an
 opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my
 love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I".

 Well the wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
 wish...

 So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra, the
 husband became 92 years old.


 The moral of this story.....

 Men might be ungrateful idiots... But fairies are females.

John 3:16

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner,
the people were in and out of the cold.
The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell
many papers.  
He walked up to a policeman and said,
"Mister,
you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could
find a warm place to sleep tonight would you?
You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and
down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight.
Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay." 



 The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say
John 3:16, and they will let you in." 
 So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the
door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said,
"John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son."
She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom
rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went
off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself:
John 3:16...I don't understand it, but it sure makes
a cold boy warm.  


 Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?"
He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of
days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food,"
The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table
full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat
any more. Then he thought to himself:
John 3:16...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure
makes a hungry boy full.  


 She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub
filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a
while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16...
I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy
clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my
whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in
front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.
The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room,
tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers
up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out
the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the
window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it but
it sure makes a tired boy rested.  


 The next morning the lady came back up and took him
down again to that same big table full of food. After he
ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom
rocker in front of the fireplace and
picked up a big old Bible.
She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face.   "Do you understand John 3:16?" she asked gently. He
replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it
was last night when the policeman told me to use it,"
She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain
to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus.   He sat there
and thought: John 3:16 -- don't understand it, but it sure
makes a lost boy feel safe.  



You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how
Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand
the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense
love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end.
I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.  
John 3:16  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

Salamat Po

Isang bagong-saltang kaluluwa ang umakyat sa langit ang ngayon ay nakaharap kay San Pedro. Namasyal silang dalawa sa langit. Magkahawak-kamay silang naglakad-lakad sa isang malaking silid doon na puno ng mga anghel.
Huminto si San Pedro sa harap ng isang lupon ng mga anghel at nagsalita, "Ito ang silid-tanggapan. Sa silid na ito, tinatanggap lahat ng mga kahilingan sa panalangin."

Pinagmasdan ito ng kaluluwa, at nakita nitong abala ang lahat sa pag-uugnay-ugnay ng mga kahilingan na nakasulat sa bunton ng mga papel na galing sa buong mundo.

Nagpatuloy silang maglakad hanggang madaanan nila ang pangalawang lupon ng mga anghel. Ang wika ni San Pedro sa kaluluwa, "Ito naman ang 'Packaging at Delivery Section'. Dito, ang biyaya at mga pagpapala na hiniling ng mga tao ay binabalot at dini-deliver sa mga tao na humingi noon ."
Nakitang muli ng kaluluwa kung gaano ito kaabala. Maraming anghel doon ang talagang subsob sa trabaho sa dami ng mga pagpapalang hiniling at dini-deliver araw-araw sa lupa.

Hanggang sa dumako sila sa huling lupon, sa pinakamalayong lupon.  Huminto ang anghel doon sa isang maliit na lupon. Sa kanyang pagkamangha, iisang anghel lamang ang nakaupo doon, walang ginagawa.
"Ito ang 'Acknowledgement Section," sabi ni San Pedro.

"Bakit tahimik?  Wala ba silang ginagawa rito?"

"Nakakalungkot," sagot ni San Pedro,"pagkatapos makatanggap ng sagot sa kanilang mga panalangin ang mga tao, kakaunti ang nagbibigay ng pasasalamat."

"Papaano ba magbibigay ng 'acknowledgement' ang mga tao sa Diyos?"
"Simple lang.  Sabihin mo lang na "Salamat po Panginoon."

"Ano bang pagpapala ang dapat nilang ipagpasalamat?"

"Kung may pagkain ka sa iyong hapag-kainan, damit na sinusuot, may bahay na tinutuluyan at kamang tutulugan, ikaw ay mas mayaman sa 75% sa mundong
ito.

"Kung may salapi kang naiipon sa iyong pitaka at may natitira pang pambili ng pagkain, ikaw ay isa sa 8% na may mga kabuhayan sa mundo.

"Kapag nakuha mo ang mensaheng ito sa iyong computer, bahagi ka ng 1% sa mundong ito na may ganyang oportunidad.

"Kapag gumising ka sa umagang ito na walang sakit, mas pinagpala ka sa milyong tao sa mundong ito na hindi na makagising dahil sa hirap ng buhay.
"Kung di mo nararanasan ang takot sa gitna ng giyera, ang kalungkutan sa loob ng piitan, ang pasakit ng mga pagsubok, at ang pangil ng pagkagutom, mas malayo ka nang milya-milya sa 700 milyong tao na nabubuhay sa mundo.

"Kung buhay pa ang iyong mga magulang at nananatiling magkasama sa bisa ng kasal, kakaunti lang kayo.

"Kung naititingala mo pa ang iyong ulo nang may ngiti sa iyong mga labi, hindi ka kasama sa karamihan.  Naiiba ka kaysa sa kanila na puno ng kapighatian at mga kagulumihanan."

Tanong ng kaluluwa, "Kung gano'n, papaano ako magsisimulang magpasalamat?"

"Pagpalain ang araw mo, bilangin mo ang iyong mga pagpapala, at kung ibig mo, pagpalain mo rin ang mga tao sa iyong paligid upang malaman din nila kung gaano sila pinagpala ng Panginoon.